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Intro-- - Clucky after 30

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> A short essay on delayed parenting.

August 23rd, 2007

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02:24 pm - Intro--
It's a very vulnerable place to start. 12 days ago, my bf told me he'd decided he didn't want any more children (He has one by his first marriage.) 7-1/2 years ago, my then-husband told me he didn't want any children. 14 years ago, I made the decision to abort a baby because we had a condom failure and no reliable financial support.

Now I'm 37 and freaked.  I've NEVER actually had sex with the intention of getting pregnant, even once, although I've been working on getting to that point for 12 years.  What options do people consider when nothing seems to be going right?

(4 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:August 23rd, 2007 08:25 pm (UTC)
I'm in a similar boat. Aside from well-meaning friends who ignorantly say "oh, it will happen, there are plenty of guys out there," there's:

-- Egg freezing. This can be done until you're 40 and will buy some time.
-- Finding a good friend who is either willing to co-parent with you or sign away parental rights OR a sperm bank with good stock for artificial insemination
-- Adoption
-- Fostering

That said, it really does depend on what you want from motherhood. Is it a biological imperative, or a need to feel loved unconditionally? Maybe it's both, maybe it's neither. I struggle with that all the time. Step-parenting is only an option for me if my partner is the custodial parent -- building a relationship with a child during monthly or weekly visitations is rarely successful.
[User Picture]
Date:August 24th, 2007 03:54 am (UTC)
I can tell you it's partially biological. I'm adopted at birth and I have never been genetically related to anyone I know. I don't know what it means. I want to.

Other than that, I just planned to have a family. You know, people that wouldn't leave. Someone to do right by.
[User Picture]
Date:August 24th, 2007 04:38 pm (UTC)
I can completely understand that.

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